HW 56 - Culminating Project Comments

Dear Abdullah, I liked the way you organized your flyer in terms of the black was what you presumed the viewer to know and the red was what they probably didn't know. you approached it from a non-threatening perspective, and were therefore were able to convey as much information as possible. and you have very high hopes for the futures of your flyers i'm sure a few were framed and placed over the fire place as well, i do know that they must have caught a lot of peoples attention you may have even changed a few career paths. good work with your flyers!


Dear Felipe,
I found it fascinating that this class project turned out to strongly contribute to your immediate life style. It was also efficient to use the 5 wishes booklet when interviewing your parents. one of your last thought "why do some people get so caught up in certain practices that they seem to forget what their actual goal is?" is important because you are attempting to gain more depth with in the realms of our classroom discourse. i think that your question about what specifically causes us to get so distracted from our core goals/beliefs should be part of our exploration about the nightmarish practices most of us give into. it was a pleasure to read your blog nice work!


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I find the idea of having a pre-death celebration very interesting. A way to be honored and to honor one's family. A goodbye reunion of sorts. I find the lack of selfishness to be heartening also. That you are more concerned about the comfort of the guests and their gustatory satisfaction over any gifts or attention on you. The gifts are also very special in that they are not important based on their monetary value but on the emotional, spiritual significance. Lastly, i think the idea of sending the family on vacation and taking the deceased along post-mortem is great. A way to relive the stress of losing a loved one and also to scatter the ashes in possibly a new and beautiful place. Maybe somewhere the deceased always wanted to go but never could. Who says travel has to stop just because you die. ---mom


i'm very excited about my older sister wanting to send her family on vacation but its wouldn't be worth her dying for. this is a strange project for her to write up her death plan isn't that being pessimistic? i thought her description at some parts was very engaging but wished it was a little more constant through out her post. -brother




Dear Amanda,

Your post was very dynamic. Your decisions on how you want to be taken care of when you die reflect who you are as a person now; outgoing, food-loving, and most importantly, happy. I really hope that you get the sending off party that you described in your blog. And I also hope that it won't be family only. I would be really upset if I wasn't invited. :)
If you've ever been to Roosevelt Island, by the lighthouse, I think you'll find that scenery a much more soothing place for your party then your current plans right now. Go to Roosevelt Island one day and you'll be thanking me for suggesting that idea to you.
Another aspect of your future plans that I liked was that you really care about how comfortable your guests will be in your party. It seems like you will be extremely cross with your guests if they do not have a good time and mope about your poor health. I think that desire for making sure others have a good time is very selfless and really reflects a positive image on you as a person.
Again, I hope all your hopes and plans become a reality one day. Good post buddy.

Abdullah

HW 55 - Culminating Project - Care of the Dead

The last celebration of my life is partially dependent on how my life is lived. If I am blind to my expiration date then I would like my parents to peacefully toil it out amongst themselves. Even though this wouldn’t be the least stressful way of going about planning my last birthday of sorts, it would certainly be accurate for how things were during my upbringing. This is not a negative statement; I think it would be simplistically weird if after I died the 3 thirds of my family felt comfortable together again.

But let me not be so critical, because if I am wobbling around as an 75 year old mother, grandmother, and or wife then I will throw the sincerest going away party my great, my grand, and my children will ever experience. After gaining some generation perspective from this unit I figure there must come a point when so many people around you have died that you are no longer known as a daughter or son, only as Mom and some variation of Nana. I would hope that the party happens before any of my senses significantly deteriorate. It would be great if the party could be outside near some kind of water source, grass and sunshine would be ideal; the East River Drive 6^th st. would be exceptional. It’s important that the guests are comfortable; sports equipment would be great for the flexible ones. But the two most important things would be A: the food is dreamily delicious and B: it’s at least 80 degrees out also country music as background sound would be fantastic. At some point during the party I would have everyone group together and relax for a little during this time I will disperse souvenirs. Assuming that by the age of 77 or 81 I have gained great wisdom and thoughts upon life I will make an impact on my fellow party goers. Months before this event I will have begun to organize to whom I am giving what. Some people will receive items; some will receive stories, some song lyrics. The day of food and jokes will end as does every day and everyone will pack up their sticky faced kids and re watch their memories of our experiences together as they drive home.  Then for a moment the red illumination of a stoplight will reflect off a tear rolling down a sun caressed cheek. The tear will absorb into a cotton t shirt and that will be the only remnant of sadness towards my death. Once I’m really dead I want my family (children) to dispose of my body the most morally responsible cheapest fashion. Assuming that the food costs from my going away party weren’t 30 grand by the time I am 79 I would like the money saved from having a funeral service to go to sending the people who were closest to me on vacation for as long as the money will last (minimum of a week). If I do get cremated then they are welcomed to scatter my ashes on to an exotic coast line. 

HW 54 - Independent Research B

I wasn’t raised to believe in one faith or any faith for that matter, but after discussing with my parents I concluded that Christianity played a small role in the theological beliefs through the lens of AA. An even larger component to my belief system was the values of Nature Based Religion which includes the Wise Women’s Tradition. Nature Based Religion is the view that nature as a whole is considered to be the source of universal consciousness and energy.

Nature Based Religion holds reincarnation as a primary belief “The child emerging from the womb emerges from that other world, that Summerland, and everyone who dies returns here” (Stein 184). This connects back to our birth unit about where/who the human spirit is before we enter the world that we have the most knowledge about. When I was younger I thought for sure that there was a higher power that used a classic hand counter to make sure that for every person who died another was born the very following millisecond. This also brings up an idea that Devin, Johnny and I were discussing about how people don’t want to enter the world the way they entered it. This could be in terms of dependability on others, being covered in fluids, vulnerability, or lack of knowledge about their environment/fate. Based on this text the other world is “Summerland” which according to my mother is “not seen as a place of ruling, but rather as a spiritual self-appraisal where a soul is able to review its life and gain an understanding of the total impact its actions had on the world” (Pagano).

Our culture has a problem with letting things change; there must always be an intervention, so we have the control. “The medical systems insistence on preserving clinical life by heroic means encourages ghoulish procedures and surgeries on dying people” (Stein 185). Heroic, that’s a perfect phrase; it’s possible that western culture is in a race against themselves to be the most heroic by “stopping” (really just prolonging) the unavoidable journey of bereavement. Seriously who can prove themselves to be more powerful after they participated in evading death? I haven’t witnessed a death but seeing loved ones hooked up on life support could be a glimpse of death in its most distorted form. But that’s what can one expect after trying every possible opportunity to shun it. “Often during the heroics the Be-ing of the woman dying has already passed over. She wants to be released and free to go” (Stein 185). People are so focused on the medicine or taking charge that they can’t see when death has begun taken the person away from their loved ones, trying to “save” that person is simply swimming upstream.

In Women’s Spirituality memorial rituals are considered to be the final rite of passage these are not only directed at the Be-ing but also at those who mourn her passing. “Life is celebrated with joy, and recollection of life death and reincarnation is highlighted” (Pagano).  The dominant practice of memorials focuses way too much on who is no longer there instead of a balance of attention/care for both the dead and the mourning. During a memorial an altar would be decorated in all white or clear candles and flowers, “this is the color of the transpersonal point chakra, the Be-ing’s connection with Goddess beyond the physical plane” (Stein 185). Evergreens and other earthy things are placed on the altar; this is a reminder of rebirth. “The void contains all and consumes all… Where is the void? Is it heaven? Is it hell? The day begins with an invocation to the goddess Tara, life giver. An invocation to Mahakala (Kali), the goddess of death closes each day” (Weed 13)

Sources:

Stein, Diane. Casting the circle: a women's book of ritual. Crossing Pr, 1990. 184-185. Print.

S., Susun. Wise woman herbal healing wise. Woodstock, NY: Ash Tree Publishing, 1989. 13. Print.

HW 53 - Independent Research A

Article 1: Daily Life in the Business of Death

http://lens.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/03/30/daily-life-in-the-business-of-death/?ref=deathanddying

Scott Palmer was raised around death, this caused him to not be afraid or intimidated by dead bodies. He used this numbness of the topic to create a photo essay in which he uses many pictures of dead bodies, embalming/cremation tools and grief photos.

 

Article 2: Dance, Laugh, Drink. Save the Date: It’s a Ghanaian Funeral

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/12/nyregion/12funerals.html?pagewanted=2&ref=deathanddying

Ghanaians throw funerals like the rest of nyc throws 21^st birthday parties at nightclubs. Loud music, food, friends and alcohol are plentiful at these festive memorial services, which are spoken about as if the hottest DJ in the country was showing up. Entrance donations which are encouraged but not mandatory help cover expenses and send the body back to Africa. Religious blessings, ceremonies and speeches in English and Twi, a Ghanaian language all occur before the loud bass fills the party space.

Analytical paragraph:

Although Scott Palmer has developed an unusually encounter with the dead I don’t think that means he has learned or has been directly confronted with grief. People in the mainstream funeral business don’t experience grief; in fact they train themselves not to get close to their customers. I think many have this false sense of knowledge and experience with loss and grieving. It is unclear if the Ghanaian parties encourage feeling loss or experiencing sadness but they definitely include self expression towards the death, which Scott Palmers experience appears to lack. I think both are just ways with copping with grief, whether either one scrapes up on confronting it is another story.

Interview someone in the death care industry:

To my disappointment after calling 5 funeral homes, around school and the lower east side no one was willing to talk to me for more than 2 minutes. So now I’m left with a white piece of copy paper with four succinct questions spread down the page and empty gaps in between. Maybe the places had something to hide or maybe they didn’t want to deal with someone who wouldn’t be a possible client. It didn’t even occur to me at the time I was making the phone calls to pretend to have a dead relative in order to gain information, and in hindsight I don’t think deception would have been a suitable method for me to get the information  I was hoping for. I think formal social skills are important to learn and completing this assignment with answers to my interview questions would have strengthened mine. But from my perspective the blank printer paper very well shows the secrecy of the funeral business, as well as the results of sending the dead off to be cared for by strangers, there is a sincere lack of understanding. 

HW 52 - Third Third of the COTD Book

There are religious funeral packages that are portrayed to have less theatrical glamour but broken down they still have their own emotional protection system and are therefore no different from an average funeral. The funeral business is getting sucker punched by medical technologies; people simply aren’t dying fast enough. When they do die their families think they that their fantasy funeral is attainable but once they see that the brochure cover is really patchy spots of grass they tend to change what they want. Whatever your beliefs are no matter what kind of funeral you have once you’re dead you will become part of the whole. Fulfilling our interpretation of the dead person’s wishes makes us feel at peace with them, as if paying them back for their life. Although that statement has restraints as a society we do the fastest process that is also the most socially acceptable. 

"For most people cemeteries and funeral homes are invisible just like old folks homes and landfills: blind spots" (Jokinen 209).

"You cant mark the sea like you mark the land, it wont let you, and if it matters to know where your dead are, the sea responds with a wet salty question mark" (Jokinen 230).

"this...might be the future of funeral trade, change the way people understand death. like religion used to do" (Jokinen 248).

Throughout the third third of Curtains Tom Jokinen realizes that his that he can step away from his job at any point but what hes experiencing is the entirety of other peoples lives. I think hearing about the death care industry from Tom's point of view became a little redundant and the most interesting sentences were thoughts of other people who have different perspectives on care of the dead. Much like the food unit people want the fastest, laziest, cheapest, least isolating product/outcome. An example of this is cutting corners when raising cattle by feeding them cheap corn and not teaching the factory workers how to properly butcher an animal because that would cost too much money. As described in Curtains most costumers prefer something cheap but expensive enough so they don't have the emotional burden of guilt. The corners cut in the funeral business are the emotional needs of the living customers. I think as Sean Dockray describes on page 248 the only solution to the Broadway funeral is to make funerals an emotional transformation. 

HW 51 - Second Third of COTD Book

It should now be evident that if one wishes to have a professional arrange their after care process there is a premeditated way things will occur. Especially if the finances haven’t been taken care of, the experience with Ms. G is a clear example of how when simplified funerals are all about getting paid. While we are alive we are under the impression that we have control of most of the things we relate ourselves to but death disproves this falsity. Along with being forced to think about our control there is also grief which is the real reason funerals seem so awkward, no one wants to be confronted with it. This is also why objects of the deceased so easily tend to cause unplanned emotional eruptions. Cremation opposed to burial creates an illusion that the costumer has complete power over the loved ones death care. Regardless of what path is chosen the services should be an experience that reaches all senses, just how good Broadway show would accomplish. Showbiz is a very valuable aspect of death care because it provides an outlet for both the family and guests to distract themselves with. More frequently than in the past people are pre-paying and planning for their funerals this takes the burden off any relatives and most importantly makes everyone feel as if they have immense control over their death care.

“… The undertakers role is to protect the public.” Pg 90

“… The widow is left on her own to go through her husband’s clothes, cancel his credit cards, and stare at the door waiting for him to magically reappear. But none of that is our business” –pg 107

“what made Ray Brent Marsh different from his neighbors was not that he was insane, but that he’d lost all reverence for and fear of the dead” –pg 131

According to Tom Jokinens there is nothing that we are currently changing about the way we handle death care that is giving us depth into why we have strong emotion around it. New practices could be coming along but I have little faith that they will help us progress as a society, if anything they will push us deeper into denial. I am curious to why most of us are very willing and boastful about donating their organs when we are repulsed about handling anything that was touched by the dead or connected to a dead body.

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Comments I made:

Hey Javon,

Firstly I thought it was wise to interview someone from another religious background that way you can obtain an an alternative understanding (based on religion) of the care of the dead. Your second interviewee expressed a more positive side to death in my opinion; i thought he was saying you wont have control when your dead. make sure you take care of your business around your death while your alive so it can easily benefit those around you after your gone. I enjoyed how you threaded your responses to the answers throughout your post.




Hey Jasper,

Your post does a wonderful job of comparing and contrasting a few viewpoints on care of the dead, your writing is thoughtful and also succinct. The questions and answers you wrote about presented new points of view that I had not considered. I enjoy how through out your summary you compare the others points of view to your own beliefs.

-Amanda


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Comments I received:

The goldfish were to be a first pet experience and I didn't expect the fish to die so quickly. It was a stressful time and I thought if I made it disappear before Amanda came home she wouldn't notice. Wrong! We did replace the first fish many times but every new one we got would die soon after. LaLa was the stalwart. She(?) lived for such a long time even with cat stress. When she died I wanted Amanda to grieve in her own way and keeping the fish close by eased the loss. LaLa wasn't gone forever we could take her out and look at her whenever we wanted thus bringing back memories of good times and bad. -mom


I didn't know that a fish could be so significant to my sisters views about her childhood and how she approaches death. I agree that people should be comfortable in their environments but not that once they die their families can do what ever they want with them. maybe our current system is not morally ideal but we also cant have bodies floating down the east river. - Theo (younger brother)


I really liked this blog post. The way it was written made me automatically think of the gold fish as if they were people and got me thinking about what's the right and wrong way to deal with a death.. I liked it because it was talking about gold fish so it made everything seem simple and not as big of a deal.. I enjoyed reading it! -Jasper


Great blogpost Amanda, thanks for making the text bold, defiantly made the post stand out. I enjoyed reading your blogpost. I liked the way you talked about a personal experience with death even though it was a gold fish. This helped show that even something as small as a goldfish can be a big deal when it comes to death. Keep up the good work. -Javon