My experience this holiday fit both into the anti body and body centered practices of the American culture. I was the head chef for orchestrating thanks giving dinner, this meant that I had to spend hours preparing the menu, making grocery lists and accommodating the rest of the families wants. On thanks giving I needed to wake up early and head over to my mom’s in order to start the prep work for later in the day. This was an anti body experience because I ignored the fact that I was tired in order to wake up early so my family would have a smooth traditional thanks giving. In my mind it was necessary that everything went according to plan, and this was unconsciously more important than getting enough sleep. After the thanks giving meal I wanted to clean the dished and set the table with dessert dishes but my legs were sore from sitting all day so I let my grandma get them while I stayed seated. This was a body centered experience because I desired to clean and let my guests rest but I focused on my body and let myself relax.
I would say that food was about 65% of the focus of the thanks giving get together, 20% was about family, 10% was about the Jets vs. Bengals game at 8:30 and 5% was focused on how to make everyone comfortable, how to cause the least amount of stress, and finally how to get everyone out of our apartment once our family started overstaying their welcome. One of the main reasons that my mom and I host holiday parties at our house is because everyone else in the family is horrible cooks. It’s either that they can’t cook or they don’t take each dish seriously enough so they end up half ass-ing the meal and using boxed potatoes or frozen prepared sides. I am sure that there is a lot of repressed emotion for the family when they get together so it’s possible my mom attempts to make the food as perfect as possible to make up for the family issues. The plan is that if the food is the center of the event then nothing else can be.
My family was as mobile as they could have been in the apartment, there were empty chairs but not due to any illnesses. My grandfather was sick though, he was acting strange early in the evening and when we sat down for dinner he didn’t wait for everyone to sit down or for my grandmother to say grace he just stated eating. He was not jolly at all on thanks giving and the only one who actually had a conversation with him was my mom’s boyfriend who spoke very sarcastically. I think the family resents my grandfather; he does do certain things to deserve it though (like not waiting for everyone to sit down especially those who cooked the meal). I know I would cry if my grandfather died and I would be incredibly sad and I think his wife and his children and others would too but it’s so hard not to get frustrated with him and not to feel resentment. But now that thanksgiving is over its time to plan out the Christmas meal to the dime in attempts to make that one as flawless as possible.
Amanda,
ReplyDeleteHW 19 was excellent and 18 seems also very strong to me.
Your insight - that people obsess over the controllable-preparation for ceremonies because they can't control the main event (the personal interactions) - interested me. Would one possibility be to fold the preparation and personal interaction together so that the rhythm of the first could provide a steadying beat to the second? I've had more luck that way in possibly stressful situations - for instance inviting my sister and her partner to a volleyball game rather than to a cup of tea. But perhaps gender dynamics (women as homemakers, men as home-sitters) would obstruct that folding together?
Your grandfather's isolation also struck me.