HW 58 - Prom Interviews

Boyfriend:

He has never been to prom and he views it more as a social event rather than a romantic event. So much so that even a few months ago when we were talking about he was shocked to hear that I was planning on attending his schools occasion. I brought up the idea of high school work resembling Cinderella’s chores and the freedom being the prom, he agreed saying that it’s the reward and symbolizes the end of that period of our lives, much like how having a child or the death of a parent is transformative. We talked about how there are two prom celebrations the prom and the after party, to him the prom represented the maturity, “play the game of live”, sell yourself out if it means larger success in the future aspects of adulthood. While the after party was the less prepared, $200 in the savings account (but that won’t control my life), irresponsible, and less tied down adult.

Mother:

My mom didn’t attend her prom. She wasn’t a steady participant of high school, she didn’t let the phrase “…but, it’s going to be the greatest night of your life” get in the way of her not going. She specified that there were simply different clicks and some were expected to attend and others simply weren’t. Prom didn’t cause any conflicts that weren’t already there to begin with.

Grandma (mom’s side):

My grandma could remember so many details about her prom, from the color of the dress she wore to the boy that she took, to the name of the club they went to for the after party. This astounded me, someone who’s been alive for 65 years still has this perfectly accurate flashback of events. She explained there were two graduation dates (therefore two proms), and people would celebrate and graduate according to the month they were born in. Even if the night wasn’t completely perfect she shared it with me as it was, I was not comfortable asking why but maybe she felt as if she owed it to her youth, what’s the use of complaining about it now. My grandma asked a family friend who lived across the street and who was four years older than she was.

Analysis:

I think that the idea that prom is reward for school work is a misconception because often time’s students can go to prom without having to have put a lot of work in for the past 4 years. I did think his idea about how the two different celebrations represent different aspects of adulthood; I think another thing he was trying to convey was that prom is the point at which the accumulation of maturity is shown starting from the beginning of high school. I was thinking that maybe certain students don’t go to their prom because they don’t feel like they deserve to be there. By my grandmas school having two graduations and proms the system of prom symbolizing transformation was more accurate than the current system because it really narrows down on the different age groups. 

HW 57 - Initial Thoughts on Prom

From the start I knew there was something about nightmarish about prom or at least the fact that prom shows the nightmarish qualities of the dominant culture. I mean we live amongst a group of people who approve of this unnecessary forced spending of money, or maybe our dreams of a carefree adulthood just make us morally blind. Where does the line of “it’s just a party” get drawn? How can thousands of teenagers be enabled to spend loads of money when there are people so less fortunate. Even if the argument that there are people without homes, food, shoes, and medical care is disregarded what does this facilitation teach our future adults about materializing, womanizing and the qualities of altruism?

It seems more reasonable that back when proms first became popular the celebration was truly the threshold to adulthood. By the age of 18 or 19 most people were moving out of their parents houses, were maintaining steady jobs, and marriage and children were soon to come. On the other hand I don’t think that prom is a symbol of that any longer, with the college education on the rise high school students are just extending their childhood. The well known symbols of the transformation to adulthood that were visible by the age of early twenties are now not distinguishable until the late twenties.

Although I believe all these statements to be true, I plan on going to my proms, the one at my boyfriend’s school and the one at my school. I will probably spend a lot of my parent’s money preparing for these nights, and I doubt that I will contribute equally to those who are less fortunate to compensate for my selfish actions. I don’t yet know if I believe that there is anything truly wrong with attending prom, other than ignorance of the experience.

Extra Credit Opportunities - COTD

#2
From the first scene of the movie it seems as if Harold stages his death to get the attention of his mother, he didn't leave his role even when she would ignore his "death". Up until the end of the movie Harold lets his mom, thearipiest, and dates talk throughout their whole interaction, even when people ask him questions the directer responds by presenting a new setting. For every conversation he had that he didn't find pleasant he would pretend to kill himself. This originally I thought this was a test for the other person in the scene to see if they can accept him for who he is but it could also just be to show them how they make him feel.

Harold's relationship with Maude is different from all the other relationships in the movie, instead of demanding him to talk she invites him to add to the conversation. Maude seems to be open to death, but that might be a falicy because she tends not to focus on it. Her role in the movie was to share with Harold her clear understanding of life/death in order to give him perspective and have standards for the way he is treated. An example of this is the scene where they are talking about which flowers they want to be Harold states that he wants to be like the white ones due to their sameness. She points out that they are not similar and that allowing yourself to be treated as if your identical to someone else causes the greatest of suffering. She then proceeds to place a white flower in her hair. Later in the movie she has larger white flower/bow/hair clip at this point in the movie Harold has become a much stronger, open character.

Harold's mother refuses to believe that he is ever dead. One could argue that she is numb to seeing him dead but she never approaches him to talk to him about HIS feelings. This leads me to believe that she refuses to comfort death. She is constantly pushing her views on him to the point that he refuses to even respond with anything else than killing himself.

I didn't particularly think that the major theme in this movie was death, when writing this post I had more to say about character relationships then the affect of death on each individual character alone. I guess death may affect each person differently but it didn't seem to be significant unless you also talk about how it affects their interactions with others, after all death is nothing without the living so there is only so much you can say about it before the focus of the conversation is re-aligned to the present.

Favorite quote: "...people get upset because they feel like they have a whole lot they get attached to things, they could be gone tomrrow so I remind them not to get attached to things."-Maude



#4

1. Emerson, Deanna “Inanna’s Ascent” Stein, Diane. Casting the circle: a women's book of ritual. Crossing Pr, 1990. Print.

I couldn’t find a link.

Summary: Deanna has seen the goddess of death, but she never knows when it will come or go. The world continues even if someone dies, as we are surrounded by darkness we are really surrounded by those who have passed on before us.

Usefulness: This poem connects death and nature in such a way that one will feel as if death is not something to fear but is a natural rite of passage. It allows the reader to accept death as part of being alive.

2. Rossetti, Christina “When I am Dead, My Dearest” Georgina, Christina, Rebecca W., and Betty S.Christina Rossetti: the complete poems. Penguin Classics, 2001. Print.

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/174269

Summary: Rossetti is telling her loved one not to grieve or commit the traditional rituals when family is grieving, because these cause more sadness. She says she won’t be aware of her surroundings good or bad so there is nothing for her family to be happy or sad about.

Usefulness: This poem uses rhyme scheme to attract an audience and then contradicts common grieving practices. This can be useful to someone because it shows that there are customs of going against the grain of the dominant social practice.

3. Swenson, May “The Lowering” May Swenson, “The Lowering” from New and Selected Things Taking Place (Boston: Atlantic/Little Brown, 1978). 

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/177999

Summary: Swenson describes the simple folding of a united states flag, in such a confusing manor that it seems as if he’s commenting on the inner confusion he faced when he experienced the death. The second half of the poem is about how the flag was given in replacement of Robert Kennedy life.

Usefulness: “The Lowering” uses a tone of offense when talking about how Robert Kennedy’s life can be replaced by this complicated folding of a flag. Often times after people die they get thought of as material objects, the urn, the casket the funeral ordeal. This poem shows the two are not equals and should no longer be considered equal.

4. Shakur, Tupac “In the Event of my Demise” Shakur, Tupac. The Rose That Grew from Concrete. MTV, 2009. Print.

http://www.tupac4u.de/deutsch/poem.htm

Summary: Tupac senses that he will die soon; he hopes that when he does it’s for a cause that he believed in. He is not afraid of his death, and he sends his love to all those who supported him throughout his life.

Usefulness: In this poem Tupac confronts his mortality; this is helpful because most of us don’t have this kind of hold on reality. The fact that he died sooner than if he had a “natural death” is interesting because it makes me question how aware of mortality were his family and friends?

5. Shakur, Tupac “Fallen Star” Shakur, Tupac. The Rose That Grew from Concrete. MTV, 2009. Print.

http://www.tupac4u.de/deutsch/poem.htm

Summary: This poem gives the perspective on events right before someone’s death. Tupac shares his opinions about how that person was treated as they got closer and closer to death; he ends the poem by stating that he mourns his “fallen star.”

Usefulness: Although this poem has much more to do with pre death emotions Tupac makes it clear that dying and caring for the death have much to do with each other. This poem also glorifies death, and shows the reader that there are positive things that grow out of grief.

6. Gibran, Kahlil “On Death” Gibran, Kahlil. The Prophet. Intl Pub, 2002. 80-81. Print.

http://www.katsandogz.com/ondeath.html

Summary: In order to accept death you must be willing to explore and understand that is very much part of life. You should not focus on your fear of death but rather how accepting it can greatly improve your life. Don’t ever be satisfied because what you think will help you understand death wont.

Usefulness: This is the first poem that I read that directly stated the rules about death. After each guideline Gibran gives an example to how that rule can be found in nature, this helps the reader to remember that life and death are parts of nature.

7.  Cummings, E.E “Now I Lay (with Everywhere Around)” Estlin, Edward. E. E. Cummings: a selection of poems. Harcourt, 1965. 181. Print.

Summary: Cummings talks about dying surrounded by everything yet around nothing. He states that life is temporary but death is permanent and that his afterlife belongs to no one else but him.

Usefulness:  This is the first time that I read a poem talking about having ownership over death. This helps me realize that maybe people “own” their deaths and have such extravagant funerals in order to become more accepting of it.

8. Poe, Edgar “Spirits of the Dead” Allan, Edgar. Spirits of the dead: tales and poems. OOO LabirintRu, 1997. Print.

 http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/spirits-of-the-dead/

Summary:  You will be alone, but not lonely, the spirits of the dead will surround you, your environment won’t be as it should. Your thoughts won’t disappear, God will be with you in subtle ways.

Usefulness: Poe connects environment and god to death. He gives the point of view that god will be able to access you through nature.

9. Franklin, Benjamin “Death is a Fisherman”

http://www.poetry-online.org/franklin_benjamin_death_is_a_fisherman.htm

Summary: Franklin is comparing death to a fisherman and how we are the fish. If we get touched by his net we must be taken out of the ocean.

Usefulness: in the poem death is referred to as a man, and that made me think back to other interpretations of death and how often it is portrayed as a man, this makes me wonder if there are is sexism in the way our culture views death.

10. Boleyn, Anne. “Oh Death, Rock Me Asleep”

http://www.poetry-archive.com/b/o_death_rock_me_asleep.html

Summary:  Boleyn says in her pome that death will put her to rest, nothing but death can fix her problems. She is in so much pain that she hopes to die soon.

Usefulness: I have haven’t deeply analyzed the perspective of death being a positive thing. This poem shows how from the patients perspective that death is constructive to her wellbeing. I wonder what kind of positive view points a family member of the patient would have.

11. Wilcox, Ella “A Burial” Wheeler, Ella. Yesterdays. 2004. Print.

http://www.poetry-online.org/wheeler_wilcox_a_burial.htm

Summary:  Ella describes how a picture of her husband who died helped strengthen her despite her loss. But then the government needed to make it official and she could no longer look at the photo.

Usefulness: this poem shows a transition of feelings towards the death of a loved one. It does a great job of highlighting that it is common to feel a variety of emotions when handling a loved ones death.

12.  Frye, Elizabeth Mary “Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep”

Summary: This poem is describing that when she dies she cannot be reached at her grave. If you want to get in contact with her you will be able to through common found beauty.

Usefulness: I found this poem to be more upbeat and inspiring then the others I read, she strongly assures her loved ones that they should not grieve because she will not even be there.

13. Auden, Wystan “Funeral Blues”  Hugh, Wystan. Selected poems. Vintage, 2007. 48. Print.

http://www.wussu.com/poems/whafb.htm

Summary:  Stop everyday life, even the things you can prevent, this person is dead. Decorate the town and control the stars and the tide because this person is dead.

Usefulness: Auden seems to be making fun of the death care practices because he is making demands that can’t possibly be met. He is sending the message that life goes on beyond death. No matter what.

14. Pordon, Judith “Twisted Rose”

http://judithpordon.tripod.com/poetry/twisted_rose.html

Summary: Many people were asking the same girl out, but one of them tried harder than the rest and somehow ended up dying. Now the girl is left with only a broken rose.

Usefulness: This poem was translated from Spanish to English so it didn’t seem very cohesive but it shows a point of view of death from a third perspective.

15. Gibran, Kahlil “On Pain” Gibran, Kahlil. The Prophet. Intl Pub, 2002. 52-53. Print.

http://www.katsandogz.com/onpain.html

Summary:  Your pain is natural and it will not last forever, you will feel joy again. While this is true you can also choose to feel certain pains, be wise and don’t waste your energy.

Usefulness: Gibran takes the point of view of grief or pain which is some of the after stages of death. This is helpful because it over simplifies understanding the grieving process.

The twelfth poem I chose “Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep” by Elizabeth Mary Frye, contradicts the dominant social practice of the grieving period. I don’t believe that healthy steps are taken when a loved one dies partially due to the way that funerals are held. But this poem almost mocks loved ones for dealing with grief in the traditional fashion of standing over the grave and looking down at presumable where the body is. This poem makes sense that only the body or remnants of the body is at the grave site but that won’t allow you to truly feel closer to that person. It would make more sense that it would be easier to “connect” with the deceased through unexplainable beauties that occur in everyday life because there are more positive memories that can be sparked other then the memory of the funeral from the gravesite.

The second poem I want to focus on is “In the Event of my Demise” by Tupac Shakur, this poem is written from the perspective of assuming his death will come soon, which is not an unreasonable statement because we are all going to die. This poses a challenge to the dominant social practices because often times people phrase things as if they are not going to die, they don’t plan for it until the social acceptable age. I wonder how everyday life would be if people were truly aware of their mortality. After talking with the guest speakers from the uptown funeral home my expectations that they would me more aware of their mortality were proven wrong. If they don’t have a grasp on the fact that they can die at any point without knowledge then who does?

HW 56 - Culminating Project Comments

Dear Abdullah, I liked the way you organized your flyer in terms of the black was what you presumed the viewer to know and the red was what they probably didn't know. you approached it from a non-threatening perspective, and were therefore were able to convey as much information as possible. and you have very high hopes for the futures of your flyers i'm sure a few were framed and placed over the fire place as well, i do know that they must have caught a lot of peoples attention you may have even changed a few career paths. good work with your flyers!


Dear Felipe,
I found it fascinating that this class project turned out to strongly contribute to your immediate life style. It was also efficient to use the 5 wishes booklet when interviewing your parents. one of your last thought "why do some people get so caught up in certain practices that they seem to forget what their actual goal is?" is important because you are attempting to gain more depth with in the realms of our classroom discourse. i think that your question about what specifically causes us to get so distracted from our core goals/beliefs should be part of our exploration about the nightmarish practices most of us give into. it was a pleasure to read your blog nice work!


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I find the idea of having a pre-death celebration very interesting. A way to be honored and to honor one's family. A goodbye reunion of sorts. I find the lack of selfishness to be heartening also. That you are more concerned about the comfort of the guests and their gustatory satisfaction over any gifts or attention on you. The gifts are also very special in that they are not important based on their monetary value but on the emotional, spiritual significance. Lastly, i think the idea of sending the family on vacation and taking the deceased along post-mortem is great. A way to relive the stress of losing a loved one and also to scatter the ashes in possibly a new and beautiful place. Maybe somewhere the deceased always wanted to go but never could. Who says travel has to stop just because you die. ---mom


i'm very excited about my older sister wanting to send her family on vacation but its wouldn't be worth her dying for. this is a strange project for her to write up her death plan isn't that being pessimistic? i thought her description at some parts was very engaging but wished it was a little more constant through out her post. -brother




Dear Amanda,

Your post was very dynamic. Your decisions on how you want to be taken care of when you die reflect who you are as a person now; outgoing, food-loving, and most importantly, happy. I really hope that you get the sending off party that you described in your blog. And I also hope that it won't be family only. I would be really upset if I wasn't invited. :)
If you've ever been to Roosevelt Island, by the lighthouse, I think you'll find that scenery a much more soothing place for your party then your current plans right now. Go to Roosevelt Island one day and you'll be thanking me for suggesting that idea to you.
Another aspect of your future plans that I liked was that you really care about how comfortable your guests will be in your party. It seems like you will be extremely cross with your guests if they do not have a good time and mope about your poor health. I think that desire for making sure others have a good time is very selfless and really reflects a positive image on you as a person.
Again, I hope all your hopes and plans become a reality one day. Good post buddy.

Abdullah

HW 55 - Culminating Project - Care of the Dead

The last celebration of my life is partially dependent on how my life is lived. If I am blind to my expiration date then I would like my parents to peacefully toil it out amongst themselves. Even though this wouldn’t be the least stressful way of going about planning my last birthday of sorts, it would certainly be accurate for how things were during my upbringing. This is not a negative statement; I think it would be simplistically weird if after I died the 3 thirds of my family felt comfortable together again.

But let me not be so critical, because if I am wobbling around as an 75 year old mother, grandmother, and or wife then I will throw the sincerest going away party my great, my grand, and my children will ever experience. After gaining some generation perspective from this unit I figure there must come a point when so many people around you have died that you are no longer known as a daughter or son, only as Mom and some variation of Nana. I would hope that the party happens before any of my senses significantly deteriorate. It would be great if the party could be outside near some kind of water source, grass and sunshine would be ideal; the East River Drive 6^th st. would be exceptional. It’s important that the guests are comfortable; sports equipment would be great for the flexible ones. But the two most important things would be A: the food is dreamily delicious and B: it’s at least 80 degrees out also country music as background sound would be fantastic. At some point during the party I would have everyone group together and relax for a little during this time I will disperse souvenirs. Assuming that by the age of 77 or 81 I have gained great wisdom and thoughts upon life I will make an impact on my fellow party goers. Months before this event I will have begun to organize to whom I am giving what. Some people will receive items; some will receive stories, some song lyrics. The day of food and jokes will end as does every day and everyone will pack up their sticky faced kids and re watch their memories of our experiences together as they drive home.  Then for a moment the red illumination of a stoplight will reflect off a tear rolling down a sun caressed cheek. The tear will absorb into a cotton t shirt and that will be the only remnant of sadness towards my death. Once I’m really dead I want my family (children) to dispose of my body the most morally responsible cheapest fashion. Assuming that the food costs from my going away party weren’t 30 grand by the time I am 79 I would like the money saved from having a funeral service to go to sending the people who were closest to me on vacation for as long as the money will last (minimum of a week). If I do get cremated then they are welcomed to scatter my ashes on to an exotic coast line. 

HW 54 - Independent Research B

I wasn’t raised to believe in one faith or any faith for that matter, but after discussing with my parents I concluded that Christianity played a small role in the theological beliefs through the lens of AA. An even larger component to my belief system was the values of Nature Based Religion which includes the Wise Women’s Tradition. Nature Based Religion is the view that nature as a whole is considered to be the source of universal consciousness and energy.

Nature Based Religion holds reincarnation as a primary belief “The child emerging from the womb emerges from that other world, that Summerland, and everyone who dies returns here” (Stein 184). This connects back to our birth unit about where/who the human spirit is before we enter the world that we have the most knowledge about. When I was younger I thought for sure that there was a higher power that used a classic hand counter to make sure that for every person who died another was born the very following millisecond. This also brings up an idea that Devin, Johnny and I were discussing about how people don’t want to enter the world the way they entered it. This could be in terms of dependability on others, being covered in fluids, vulnerability, or lack of knowledge about their environment/fate. Based on this text the other world is “Summerland” which according to my mother is “not seen as a place of ruling, but rather as a spiritual self-appraisal where a soul is able to review its life and gain an understanding of the total impact its actions had on the world” (Pagano).

Our culture has a problem with letting things change; there must always be an intervention, so we have the control. “The medical systems insistence on preserving clinical life by heroic means encourages ghoulish procedures and surgeries on dying people” (Stein 185). Heroic, that’s a perfect phrase; it’s possible that western culture is in a race against themselves to be the most heroic by “stopping” (really just prolonging) the unavoidable journey of bereavement. Seriously who can prove themselves to be more powerful after they participated in evading death? I haven’t witnessed a death but seeing loved ones hooked up on life support could be a glimpse of death in its most distorted form. But that’s what can one expect after trying every possible opportunity to shun it. “Often during the heroics the Be-ing of the woman dying has already passed over. She wants to be released and free to go” (Stein 185). People are so focused on the medicine or taking charge that they can’t see when death has begun taken the person away from their loved ones, trying to “save” that person is simply swimming upstream.

In Women’s Spirituality memorial rituals are considered to be the final rite of passage these are not only directed at the Be-ing but also at those who mourn her passing. “Life is celebrated with joy, and recollection of life death and reincarnation is highlighted” (Pagano).  The dominant practice of memorials focuses way too much on who is no longer there instead of a balance of attention/care for both the dead and the mourning. During a memorial an altar would be decorated in all white or clear candles and flowers, “this is the color of the transpersonal point chakra, the Be-ing’s connection with Goddess beyond the physical plane” (Stein 185). Evergreens and other earthy things are placed on the altar; this is a reminder of rebirth. “The void contains all and consumes all… Where is the void? Is it heaven? Is it hell? The day begins with an invocation to the goddess Tara, life giver. An invocation to Mahakala (Kali), the goddess of death closes each day” (Weed 13)

Sources:

Stein, Diane. Casting the circle: a women's book of ritual. Crossing Pr, 1990. 184-185. Print.

S., Susun. Wise woman herbal healing wise. Woodstock, NY: Ash Tree Publishing, 1989. 13. Print.

HW 53 - Independent Research A

Article 1: Daily Life in the Business of Death

http://lens.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/03/30/daily-life-in-the-business-of-death/?ref=deathanddying

Scott Palmer was raised around death, this caused him to not be afraid or intimidated by dead bodies. He used this numbness of the topic to create a photo essay in which he uses many pictures of dead bodies, embalming/cremation tools and grief photos.

 

Article 2: Dance, Laugh, Drink. Save the Date: It’s a Ghanaian Funeral

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/12/nyregion/12funerals.html?pagewanted=2&ref=deathanddying

Ghanaians throw funerals like the rest of nyc throws 21^st birthday parties at nightclubs. Loud music, food, friends and alcohol are plentiful at these festive memorial services, which are spoken about as if the hottest DJ in the country was showing up. Entrance donations which are encouraged but not mandatory help cover expenses and send the body back to Africa. Religious blessings, ceremonies and speeches in English and Twi, a Ghanaian language all occur before the loud bass fills the party space.

Analytical paragraph:

Although Scott Palmer has developed an unusually encounter with the dead I don’t think that means he has learned or has been directly confronted with grief. People in the mainstream funeral business don’t experience grief; in fact they train themselves not to get close to their customers. I think many have this false sense of knowledge and experience with loss and grieving. It is unclear if the Ghanaian parties encourage feeling loss or experiencing sadness but they definitely include self expression towards the death, which Scott Palmers experience appears to lack. I think both are just ways with copping with grief, whether either one scrapes up on confronting it is another story.

Interview someone in the death care industry:

To my disappointment after calling 5 funeral homes, around school and the lower east side no one was willing to talk to me for more than 2 minutes. So now I’m left with a white piece of copy paper with four succinct questions spread down the page and empty gaps in between. Maybe the places had something to hide or maybe they didn’t want to deal with someone who wouldn’t be a possible client. It didn’t even occur to me at the time I was making the phone calls to pretend to have a dead relative in order to gain information, and in hindsight I don’t think deception would have been a suitable method for me to get the information  I was hoping for. I think formal social skills are important to learn and completing this assignment with answers to my interview questions would have strengthened mine. But from my perspective the blank printer paper very well shows the secrecy of the funeral business, as well as the results of sending the dead off to be cared for by strangers, there is a sincere lack of understanding. 

HW 52 - Third Third of the COTD Book

There are religious funeral packages that are portrayed to have less theatrical glamour but broken down they still have their own emotional protection system and are therefore no different from an average funeral. The funeral business is getting sucker punched by medical technologies; people simply aren’t dying fast enough. When they do die their families think they that their fantasy funeral is attainable but once they see that the brochure cover is really patchy spots of grass they tend to change what they want. Whatever your beliefs are no matter what kind of funeral you have once you’re dead you will become part of the whole. Fulfilling our interpretation of the dead person’s wishes makes us feel at peace with them, as if paying them back for their life. Although that statement has restraints as a society we do the fastest process that is also the most socially acceptable. 

"For most people cemeteries and funeral homes are invisible just like old folks homes and landfills: blind spots" (Jokinen 209).

"You cant mark the sea like you mark the land, it wont let you, and if it matters to know where your dead are, the sea responds with a wet salty question mark" (Jokinen 230).

"this...might be the future of funeral trade, change the way people understand death. like religion used to do" (Jokinen 248).

Throughout the third third of Curtains Tom Jokinen realizes that his that he can step away from his job at any point but what hes experiencing is the entirety of other peoples lives. I think hearing about the death care industry from Tom's point of view became a little redundant and the most interesting sentences were thoughts of other people who have different perspectives on care of the dead. Much like the food unit people want the fastest, laziest, cheapest, least isolating product/outcome. An example of this is cutting corners when raising cattle by feeding them cheap corn and not teaching the factory workers how to properly butcher an animal because that would cost too much money. As described in Curtains most costumers prefer something cheap but expensive enough so they don't have the emotional burden of guilt. The corners cut in the funeral business are the emotional needs of the living customers. I think as Sean Dockray describes on page 248 the only solution to the Broadway funeral is to make funerals an emotional transformation. 

HW 51 - Second Third of COTD Book

It should now be evident that if one wishes to have a professional arrange their after care process there is a premeditated way things will occur. Especially if the finances haven’t been taken care of, the experience with Ms. G is a clear example of how when simplified funerals are all about getting paid. While we are alive we are under the impression that we have control of most of the things we relate ourselves to but death disproves this falsity. Along with being forced to think about our control there is also grief which is the real reason funerals seem so awkward, no one wants to be confronted with it. This is also why objects of the deceased so easily tend to cause unplanned emotional eruptions. Cremation opposed to burial creates an illusion that the costumer has complete power over the loved ones death care. Regardless of what path is chosen the services should be an experience that reaches all senses, just how good Broadway show would accomplish. Showbiz is a very valuable aspect of death care because it provides an outlet for both the family and guests to distract themselves with. More frequently than in the past people are pre-paying and planning for their funerals this takes the burden off any relatives and most importantly makes everyone feel as if they have immense control over their death care.

“… The undertakers role is to protect the public.” Pg 90

“… The widow is left on her own to go through her husband’s clothes, cancel his credit cards, and stare at the door waiting for him to magically reappear. But none of that is our business” –pg 107

“what made Ray Brent Marsh different from his neighbors was not that he was insane, but that he’d lost all reverence for and fear of the dead” –pg 131

According to Tom Jokinens there is nothing that we are currently changing about the way we handle death care that is giving us depth into why we have strong emotion around it. New practices could be coming along but I have little faith that they will help us progress as a society, if anything they will push us deeper into denial. I am curious to why most of us are very willing and boastful about donating their organs when we are repulsed about handling anything that was touched by the dead or connected to a dead body.

49

Comments I made:

Hey Javon,

Firstly I thought it was wise to interview someone from another religious background that way you can obtain an an alternative understanding (based on religion) of the care of the dead. Your second interviewee expressed a more positive side to death in my opinion; i thought he was saying you wont have control when your dead. make sure you take care of your business around your death while your alive so it can easily benefit those around you after your gone. I enjoyed how you threaded your responses to the answers throughout your post.




Hey Jasper,

Your post does a wonderful job of comparing and contrasting a few viewpoints on care of the dead, your writing is thoughtful and also succinct. The questions and answers you wrote about presented new points of view that I had not considered. I enjoy how through out your summary you compare the others points of view to your own beliefs.

-Amanda


_____________________________________________________________________

Comments I received:

The goldfish were to be a first pet experience and I didn't expect the fish to die so quickly. It was a stressful time and I thought if I made it disappear before Amanda came home she wouldn't notice. Wrong! We did replace the first fish many times but every new one we got would die soon after. LaLa was the stalwart. She(?) lived for such a long time even with cat stress. When she died I wanted Amanda to grieve in her own way and keeping the fish close by eased the loss. LaLa wasn't gone forever we could take her out and look at her whenever we wanted thus bringing back memories of good times and bad. -mom


I didn't know that a fish could be so significant to my sisters views about her childhood and how she approaches death. I agree that people should be comfortable in their environments but not that once they die their families can do what ever they want with them. maybe our current system is not morally ideal but we also cant have bodies floating down the east river. - Theo (younger brother)


I really liked this blog post. The way it was written made me automatically think of the gold fish as if they were people and got me thinking about what's the right and wrong way to deal with a death.. I liked it because it was talking about gold fish so it made everything seem simple and not as big of a deal.. I enjoyed reading it! -Jasper


Great blogpost Amanda, thanks for making the text bold, defiantly made the post stand out. I enjoyed reading your blogpost. I liked the way you talked about a personal experience with death even though it was a gold fish. This helped show that even something as small as a goldfish can be a big deal when it comes to death. Keep up the good work. -Javon

50

After a person dies there is a set way things are done to either preserve them or cremate them. The crematorium is set up as a theater, there is the stage, business is handled with the remaining family members, and this area is homey and is trying very hard to make the crematorium a comfortable place for living visitors. And then there is the back stage area, where the dead bodies are processed through the system. There are different stations that the dead person gets handed off too, such as the prepping room, the retort, the sorting table, the embalming room and the dressing room. Sex and death are two things that we can’t control, but the systems we put in place helps us to deny them. Jessica Mitford thought to follow through the system comes at a large and unnecessary price. Even families, such as the C family who are not engrained with the idea that we must spend enormous amounts of money to hide the symptoms of death still conform to our ways. For the people that work in the preserving and funeral businesses there are valued qualities that are considered wonderful for the dead to have, that being said the employees are not phased at all by the tasks they perform or even the way they “up sell” caskets.

Quote 1: “then it all goes into a sturdy blender, which turns everything to powder” pg 10

Quote 2: “Nat hoses him down, then soaps his head and encourages me to clean his finger nails with a file and a j cloth. The radio on the wall plays the Foo Fighters and she sings along.” Pg 52

Quote 3: “Neil told me to be patient, that my natural fear would evolve into something deeper: respect and awe for the body” 75

Analysis:  I think that the way Tom Jokinen started off his first chapter with reflection and questioning what we are doing when we have a funeral was a good way to bring the reader in and to have them start thinking on a deeper level. Tom Jokinen uses his experiences to not only give the reader a perspective into a day to day life as an undertaker trainee. It is important that Tom isn’t writing through the eyes of a professional 3^rd generation undertaker like his boss Neil because Tom is still very new to the system and will be less accepting of the rituals being preformed. There were some parts that I felt Tom was going off topic on such as his co-workers behaviors at lunch time, but after reading further I found that it is critical that he gives us information on what the people who perform the caring for the dead tasks do in their free time. I wonder if later in the book Tom is going to place blame on the funeral directors, undertakers, embalmers and casket salesmen, as he describes Jessica Mitford did in her book or if he is going to take the point of view that the customers “run” the system and employees enable it.

48

Due to my grandparent’s catholic upbringing and the amount of suffering in the world they both believe that there is a heaven and hell, and that cremation and burial are acceptable ways to dispose of a body. Due to an experience of a death of a close friend my grandma has distaste for cremations, she said “I felt as if I was jipped, and by choosing cremation they took away my chance to see her for one last time.” We also talked about how open caskets give the family and friends a chance to see the person at rest and no longer suffering or struggling with their illness or old age. The story of my great grandma’s death and funeral was spoken about and a strong thought was that she didn’t want to be underground, always on top, so even when my great grandpa died my grandma made the cemetery move my great grandmothers remains above my great grandfathers.

I don’t know exactly what the dominant social practices are of the care of the dead or that anything is actually nightmare-ish about them, shouldn’t people be at liberty to deal with death in their own ways, does judgment and analysis always need to be involved with every area of life?

46

What better way for a divorcing family to ease a 6 year olds mind then to buy them some gold fish? I was allowed to have two one was dark colored and probably wasn’t a gold fish, and then there was La La who was bright orange, with shiny scales. In my 6 year old mind they were both girls and were an exciting reason to leave the playground early. One particular day I came home to greet them and one was missing! At first I couldn’t imagine where it could be, and then my mom broke the news to me that she had to flush the dark one down the toilet because it died during the day. I was horrified that she didn’t keep it for me to attend to, I had been the one feeding it and cleaning the tank with assistance for its whole life, now all of a sudden I had no rights to caring for it?! Ludacris! Eventually I got over it and my mom got a new apartment on a new block surrounded by new places to get candy and ice cream, but La La came with me, even when my mom and I got our first cat and our second one…and when we moved to the 4^th LES apartment. It was clear that whenever La La would die it was going to be a big deal, not so much her death because by the time she was around 2 years old I just expected it, but what to do with her once she could no longer swim in circles in her little world. So once my cat no longer found interest in chasing La La around her bowl with its paw, out came the zip lock baggie. And soon enough space was made next to the frozen peas and left over Italian icy.

My mom let me deal with my fishes death my own way, she didn’t make me get over it or force a time line for how I should feel. Although I waited for it to die, I think it’s important that people are able to live in their own environment comfortably. I also think should be told that they will be taken care of the way they wish after they die, so they don’t have to worry about that while they are still living. I’m not sure the importance of fulfilling their wishes, how the person is dealt with after they die is not for the dead person it’s for their family. Death only affects those who are left behind, so they should have the right to do whatever makes it easier for them.


why is it illegal to spread ashes in most places?
what are lesser known ways of caring for the dead, why does no one know about them?
what forms peoples view points of what is best to do with the body of a dead person?

45

Thanks for the comments guys,

Yeah i was particularly interested in prenatal care for pregnant teens because i can relate to it in the sense that i'm a teenage girl. i also think that its important that the girl continues getting support after she tells her loved ones that shes pregnant. i would have certainly enjoyed speaking with young women who had either experienced a teen pregnancy or were currently pregnant, but i was not fully educated about the background info. if i were to do a second stage of my research i would be interested in making a brochure/flyer/website and would also have discussions with teen moms. 

oh and yes Arden, that could certainly be useful when i outlined it and wrote it i was more focused on if each paragraph had a central idea and if they flowed more then having concrete arguments.

44 coments

to Ariel: In a subtle way you seem to focus on the differences between how midwives care for their patients and how doctors/hospitals care for their patients. The narrative you wrote about your mother was moving, it showed how birth and how birth is treated affects not only the mother and child but also the family.

i really valued that you wrote your mothers from an active point of view. for instance you added dialogue that i can imagine you would have used while you were at the hospital with your family.

i think this post would have been even more powerful if you had shared your mothers story and then revealed that despite her horrible experience she still wanted to have her next child in a hospital.

i enjoyed reading your post very much- amanda

 to sarah: hi sarah,

your post puts c-sections and VBACs in perspective for an audience who hasn't yet taken the course.

i thought your use of evidence was especially persuasive. i also think that presenting the risks of VBACs gives the reader a more full educated perspective.

i agree with abdullah that it was courageous to approach a controversial and "underground" topic. it would have been particularly interesting to me if you had possibility obtained an interview from a women or family that had undergone a VBAC.

it was a pleasure reading your post - amanda
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 From Arden:

Amanda,
Often times teens who are pregnant do not seek proper care. Potentially a result of being in denial or the lack of state programs provided for these women.

I enjoyed reading your piece. A topic that us very relevant to us and our lives. I appreciate you taking such a simple topic and researching it in more depth. A valuable aspect of your piece were the facts you used to support you claims. "The most recent recording of the teen pregnancy rate has shown a 3% increase which translates to: out of 1000 pregnancies 72 of them are young women (2006). Most teen pregnancies are unexpected and unwanted which has induced a 50% rise in abortion rates."


From Natalie:

You wrote about teen pregnancy and the lack of prenatal care that they receive.

I thought that the part about how teenagers struggle with eating disorders and do not necessarily understand the importance of giving up drugs and alcohol was very important. While older mothers have a lot on their hands, we must realize that teen mothers need a different kind of support, as they have so much social pressure upon them, especially for something they do not necessarily want to go through.
This matters to me because it is about people in my age group. Just to be aware of this is important. Everyone hears about how to not get pregnant, but not necessarily what to do once you're pregnant. I think you clearly demonstrated the importance of prenatal care for teens here.
Maybe next time you could find a couple examples of teens and their stories.

HW 42 - Pregnancy & birth culminating project:Prenatal Care For Teen Pregnancy

Prenatal Care For Teen Pregnancy

Despite the current health programs in schools and youth centers or lack thereof, teen girls will still become pregnant in the years to come. The most recent recording of the teen pregnancy rate has shown a 3% increase which translates to: out of 1000 pregnancies 72 of them are young women (2006). Most teen pregnancies are unexpected and unwanted which has induced a 50% rise in abortion rates. But for the number of teen pregnancies that go full term prenatal care is extremely important for the baby and the mother. 

In teen pregnancies denial and disbelief are common reasons that pregnant teens often don’t seek prenatal treatment until later in their pregnancy. “In its January 2010 report, the Guttmacher Institute notes that 7 percent of teen mothers receive either late or no prenatal care.” 7% is pretty low but for a women who’s younger than 20 delivering a baby can cause complications such as prematurity and low birth weights. 

Due to the fact that teen girls don’t have fully developed bone structure can make teen pregnancies more complex, this is largely a concern with younger girls, 13-15 years of age. Pregnant teens tend to need more nutritional support for herself and her developing baby. In fact nutritional counseling is a large part of prenatal care, during prenatal care visits topics of nutrition such as prenatal vitamins, folic acid, mineral supplements, and how to cope with food cravings among other things are all discussed. Diet and nutrition is especially important for unexpected teen pregnancies because “eating disorders are rampant among teens; this coupled with the embarrassment about the pregnancy, and its advertisement of her sexual activity, may compound her feelings about getting bigger.” Becoming pregnant also presents an immediate lifestyle change any old habits that include substance abuse need to end abruptly. Teens in particular may not grasp the importance of avoiding alcohol or drugs, which also means they are likely to not share that part of their life with their obstetrician or midwife.

Before teen pregnancy was as widely accepted in American culture there were very little state programs available for young mothers, but fortunately today there are several that provide physiological support and financial support as well as prenatal care. The Federal Temporary Assistance for Needy Families program acts as temporary well fare for those who are experiencing significant difficulty making money or paying bills. Another federal program is called the Women, Infants and Children program this program aid mothers by supplying money for food, nutrition education and guidance for finding an appropriate health care provider. Along with federal programs individual states have their own assistance programs set up as well. The New York Civil Liberties Union supports teen mothers by making sure they know their rights, and their rights are protected. The New York State Office of Children and Family Services also supply a lot of information about options for teen moms and information on several state programs too.

Citations:

Frye, Anne. Holistic midwifery: a comprehensive textbook for midwives in homebirth practice. Care during pregnancy. 1. Labrys Pr, 1998. 931-933. Print.

Lewin, Tamar. "After Long Decline, Teenage Pregnancy Rate Rises." New York Times 1/26/10, Print.

Weiss, Robin. "Teen Pregnancy." (2009): n. pag. Web. 6 Apr 2011. <http://www.marchofdimes.com/medicalresources_teenpregnancy.html>.

Wessling, Susan. "Benefits for Teen Mothers." (2010): n. pag. Web. 6 Apr 2011. <http://www.livestrong.com/article/187518-benefits-for-teen-mothers/>.

http://www.guttmacher.org. GUTTMACHER INSTITUTE, 4/1/11. Web. 6 Apr 2011. <http://www.guttmacher.org/statecenter/spibs/spib_MAPC.pdf>.

HW 41 - Independent Research: Prenatal Care

1.  1.Mayo clinic staff. "Prenatal vitamins: Give your baby the best start." 2010. Web. <http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/prenatal-vitamins/PR00160/METHOD=print>.

The Mayo Clinical staff at the Mayo clinic supply information on what prenatal care is, this specific site discusses vitamins that women can take to help her and her baby. The authors also give information on the effects of the vitamins and how they help the women and her baby. For example the ingestion of iron helps develop blood and muscle cells, it also helps prevent anemia. The rest of the article describes where vitamins can be purchased if prescriptions are needed and how long they should be taken.

2.      2.  Schmitt, John. "Prenatal Care." 2009. Web. <http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/prenatal-care.cfm>.

John Schmitt answers frequently asked questions about prenatal care some of the questions and answers are very general such as, why prenatal care is important and specific questions to what is important to be exposed to or kept away from in a pregnant women’s environment.

3.       Planned Parenthood. "Prenatal Care." 2011. Web. <http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/pregnancy/prenatal-care-4255.htm>.

Planned Parenthood also shared info that ranged from being very general to being very specific. It seemed as if they were trying to convey the information in a very calming “everything’s going to be okay” manor. This expressed to me that their audience is looking to be comforted and supported by information not necessarily to be informed.

4.       NEW YORK STATE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH OFFICE OF MEDICAID MANAGEMEN. "PRENATAL CARE ASSISTANCE PROGRAM: MEDICAID POLICY GUIDELINES MANUAL." 1. 2007. Web. <http://www.emedny.org/ProviderManuals/Prenatal/PDFS/Prenatal-Policy_Section.pdf>.

This state provided file, gives women and families access to health insurance information regarding prenatal care. It outlines and describes in depth the prenatal care assistance program. This includes information on eligibility and the largest section is about billing. But there are no personal health suggestions or comforting. It is very cut and dry. This is certainly the paperwork aspect of prenatal care and giving birth.

5.       NYS Department of Health. "Early Prenatal Care - Percent of Live Births*." 2010. Web. <http://www.health.state.ny.us/statistics/chac/birth/pnce.htm>.

These are statistics concerning the birth rate of babies whose mothers received prenatal care early in pregnancy. They are organized by New York state region and contain data collected from 2006 to 2008.

These sources help give me a deeper understanding of the information that is easily accessible to the public. For my culminating project I plan on sitting in on a prenatal visit so by doing this research I was able to be more enlightened about prenatal care and the importance of it. These sites have also given me the vantage point to ask deeper questions to the midwife as well as the patient about prenatal care. I would also like to do a comparison of statistics about how the live birth rate of early prenatal care compared to the birth rate of late prenatal care. Another area of interest is how and why the live birth rate and prenatal care rate differs between regions of the state and if those differences are economically caused.

40

Me:"Wow! Your Tina Cassidy aren’t you? I actually just read your book, how wonderful to bump into you at the airport like this! Thanks so much for writing “Birth the Surprising History of how we are born.” The way you portrayed birth throughout history as constantly changing persuaded me to believe that even today with the technology our culture has we shouldn’t trust our practices.

Tina:"Really, what led you to read the book; it was the cute baby on the cover that attracted you wasn’t it? So which parts were most relevant and memorable to you?"

Me: "Well, in the last third of the book you focused on the history of modern day controversies in the birth discourse, which helped strengthen the relevance of the first 2/3rds of the book, examples of these are…

1. The role of the father in pregnancy.  pg 200

2. What happens to the after birth and the ingestion of the placenta pg 220

3. The bonding process between mother and baby and how it can affect their relationship down the road pg 228

Tina: that’s wonderful that you were able to get so much insight out of the book, most people I talk to can’t recite such depth. Is there anything that could have been done to make the book better or possibly more effective to fulfill its mission?

Me:"Well, let's be clear your writing aimed to provide historical analysis from the perspective of a person who has an intro level knowledge of birth, for the book-reading-public to better understand pregnancy & birth in our culture. Given that, the best advice I would give for a 2nd edition of the text would be to incorporate modern-day birth stories in order to maintain relevance and share your opinion of the historical evidence after sharing a non biased excerpt in order to maintain controversy or possibly, instead of stating your own opinion you could offer an outrageous alternative view point to the block of history that was previously presented. Even with these criticisms I appreciate the work you put in to your book because it uncovers the nightmarish history of childbirth and shows how it is correlated with how birth is dealt with now in this day and age. Particularly your book has made me think more about if having a water birth is the right choice for me & if I should take up a career in midwifery in low income areas. In fact, I'm likely to try to make pregnant women I know aware of you book, “The Surprising History of how we are Born" as a result of your book."

Tina: "Thanks! Talking to you made me realize how helpful my book was to others, it makes me proud that my personal interest was able to cause such a positive effect on others.

HW 39 - Insights from Book - Part 2

Cassidy, Tina. The Surprising History of How we are Born: Birth. New York: Grove Press, 2006. Print.

1)

a. Women who have self administered cesarean sections.

b. The “save the baby but risk death of the mother” debate

c. The theory that male midwives dressed as women to trick their clients into thinking they were being treated by a woman.

d. Male doctors constantly thinking they are doing more good than harm.

2)

Every generation of doctors, midwives and patients thought that the way they were handling birth was the correct, most convenient and safest way, turns out some of them were wrong.

Reading about all the tools used and drugs experimented with in order to ease birth and the outcomes of their use are shocking because it leads me to question if what is currently being done today is the safest methods. Its mind blowing that through industrialization the American culture and many other cultures have birthed such a deep whole; technology doesn’t seem to be working to improve the situation.

3)

a. Having planed cesarean sections because women are “too posh to push” pg 123

b. Putting a cloth over a women was to “preserve their modesty” why still use it today? Pg 132

c. Dick-Reads (1900) point of view for why Child birth doesn’t need as much outside interference as our culture applies to it. pg 144

d. Friedman’s “cervimetric curve’s” misuse, there is a wide range of normal in birth. Pg157

e. Water births are safe and effective, but doctors create obstacles in order to keep their practice alive. Pg 190

4)

 Authors claim: Freidman created the “cirvimetric curve” which tracked the average length of time of the three stages of labor. I found supporting evidence in “Dewhurst's Textbook of Obstetrics and Gynecology for Postgraduates” the quote I found is, “the graphic analysis of labour’ (Friedman 1954) was the first of a series of classical contributions whereby the science of partoghray was established to become the corner stone of clinical evaluation of progress in labour. The sigmoid nature of Friedman’s curve is a source of some interest. The gradual rise in the latent phase is followed by the steep slope of the active phase and then a short less steep curve to full dilation.” Based on the evidence, it seems as if Tina Cassidy did an accurate job for portraying who Freidman was and what he contributed to the birthing discourse. I think it was important for Cassidy to include how the curve affects today’s births and the misuse of the graph.

http://books.google.com/books?id=5VsQJl6pBRUC&pg=PA247&lpg=PA247&dq=cervimetric+curve&source=bl&ots=RswBiZKj4S&sig=QIxcBLvhkbAgqBZKJDRVwU_fQ5g&hl=en&ei=rz2JTYcYhd-BB-r66dUN&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=6&ved=0CDMQ6AEwBQ#v=onepage&q=cervimetric%20curve&f=false

HW 38 - Insights from book - part 1

1) In "The Surprising History of How We are Born: Birth" Tina Cassidy starts off by giving the reader background information about why birth is different for humans then it is for other mammals, this also explains the need for midwives and how they evolved throughout time. Chapter three gives explanation for why the location of birth has changed over the years and the fourth chapter gives information on why birth is so painful.

2) Tina Cassidy tries to answer: How "we can touch the moon and predict the weather, map the human genetic code and clone animals, digitize a photograph and send it from Tokyo to Tehran with the touch of a button, but we can’t figure out how to give birth that is --simultaneously and constantly--safe minimally painful, joyful and close to natures design"?
-I think Tina's question is important because birth is constant, and our population, survival and development are dependent on how we conduct births. But I don't think it’s an answerable question even if we were to analyze the history of birth, to find out why our culture can’t have consistent safe and happy births we would need to know what a safe and happy birth was and ultimately "the perfect" way to have birth.

3) The main insight is that "every culture has had a system of midwifery, usually informal, with mothers and grandmothers, neighbors, or extended members of the tribe helping women through birth...they welcomed new life ushered out the old and took care of practically everyone in between..." "Some [hospitals] created their own birthing rooms or suites...but still this was mostly standard maternity care in disguise."
-The first part of this insight didn't seem too surprising to me because I grew up surrounded by midwives but for people for who haven't even heard of midwifery it is eye opening. Tina is really saying that there has always been midwifery but it didn't always have a name. The second part of the insight was more interesting to me because it showed that hospitals have had a long track history of not genuinely caring about their patients.

4)
a. The human pelvis can’t get large enough to accommodate for an appropriately developed newborn brain, so women are forced to give birth to underdeveloped children. pg 17
b. women tend to begin laboring at night, and give birth in the morning; because of this babies born at night (2005) have a 16% higher chance of dying. pg 14
c. Dr. Lovejoy said that "given the rate of technology a hundred years from now no one will be giving birth, well make children up from artificially grown fetuses.”pg 26
d. two centenaries ago midwives would perform abortions. pg 27
e. malpractice insurance is higher for birthing centers, yet birthing centers have better birthing records. pg 72

5) One of the beautiful things about Tina Cassidy's writing is that she incorporates storytelling, statistics and logic to form a blend of persuasion. Through my eyes this makes her seem brilliant, as if she is truly educated on the history of birth and midwifery. She also incorporates her evidence so that it creates segue's for other thoughts and ideas.